July 27, 2007

Kibbutz and bits...

Jon Stewart
(Not pictured above.)

Anyone who followed the last presidential election and did not watch the Daily Show on the Comedy Central Network missed a truly delightful tongue in cheek analysis of the process of our democracy in action. Once again a constitutional crises draws nigh and the Daily Show has launched Indecision 2008.

Now, admittedly the election is still a good while in the future and this is kinda like throwing your Christmas party in August. None of the really good guests have arrived yet and about the only appetizers you’ll find are a few crusty bread sticks and a bottle or two of sparkling water. All that aside, it is a good time to bookmark the site so that when things do begin heating up you’ll already to be prepared to arrive fashionably late and tastefully dressed in your very best Sunday go to campaign screen name. Seriously folks, check this place out. It is more fun than politics ought to be.

Michael Vick was in court Thursday afternoon and has entered a not guilty plea in response to federal charges of dog fighting. In an interview following the court proceedings Mr. Vick is reported to have said, “Chill out people, its not like I was feeding baskets of kittens into a wood chipper. Although I will not be issuing a public apology for my personal actions off the field, I am prepared to accept a one game suspension, during preseason, in hopes that this unfortunate incident can be put behind me and I can go on with my life as a millionaire athlete happy to be living above the law.”

To the judicial system of California I would at this time like to enter the following plea; please do not sentence Lindsey Lohan to jail time for making a couple of innocent mistakes with cocaine while driving under the influence of alcohol. My concern is that Lindsey is no Paris Hilton and may not posses the physical strength, let alone the psychological fortitude necessary for survival in the big house.

Ms. Hilton is a hardened party girl with a total disregard for legitimate employment. One can plainly see in the criminal set of her pouting lips a cold stony petulance always present in the criminally vacuous. Lindsey Lohan on the other hand is employed as a serious actress. She is simply an innocent young girl who has fallen in with the wrong celebrity crowd of bad girls such as Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton and Punky Brewster.

I don’t believe Ms. Lohan can endure the prison experience with the grace and personal dignity displayed by Paris Hilton. I’m afraid what jail life would do to Lindsey and I’d hate to see her acting career ruined simply because one self aggrandizing judge wants to make a personal statement about the law. Rules are made to be broken, just ask Scooter Libbey or Nicole Ritchie. (After she serves her ninety hours in the slammer for driving under the influence.)

On a personal note, I’ve been trying my very best to help Felicia with the process of breastfeeding our new baby, Micah, but no matter how much I use the breast pump all I’ve managed to produce so far is one set of very sore and tender nipples. It hurts, and as much as I want to help I’m afraid my wife is just going to have to suffer through this one all by herself.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and apply some salve to my nipples. Have a safe weekend and please do not follow the examples of our political, Hollywood and professional sports role models.

Oh, and have some fun, you've earned it.


Blogger Arcturus said...

The Vick story is going to be -- if it has not already -- turned into a big PC media racial passion play of the sort this country does all the time. Maybe we can all learn why dogfighting is actually a good thing, or at least brought on by a racist society.

By the way, was that top image supposed to be all black? I suppose that's a dumb question and I was missing the point of the image ...

July 27, 2007 4:57 PM  
Blogger Wizened Wizard said...

Are you sure it's a breast pump??

July 27, 2007 8:30 PM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

arcturus - Read my banner...

Celebrity photo and YouTube free since 1969.

Wizened wizard - It is a long clear plastic cylindrical tube with what appears to be a hand operated bicycle pump handle at one end and an opening for what I would only assume is a nipple at the other end.

What else would such a thing be used for?

July 27, 2007 9:12 PM  
Blogger Paul F. said...

Yeah, cuz Vick can't get behind people that fedd little kittens into a woodchipper...

Wasn't Fargo a great movie?

So, are you using disposable diapers ot the cloth ones. My parents put me those cloth ones. You know, the ones you gotta wash yourself? I got terrible rashes. That would be the ultimate hippy experience, huh?

July 27, 2007 9:16 PM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

paul f - Uh, diapers?

I just set the boy in one of those plastic wading pools and then hose it out at the end of the day...

July 27, 2007 9:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aww I hope the nips that are hurting are really your's and not hers... it's been a while :(

Now. On to the celebs. I just had a little talk about Brittany Spears with my oldest daughter(11), who asked me: WHY IS SHE SO STUPID? Yup.

Then we talked about mistakes and learning from them and being human is to screw up ALOT sometimes. And how some people just are reeeeeealy slow to learn. But not us, eh dear daughter?

Others are just plain evil.

July 28, 2007 12:26 AM  
Blogger Kati said...

ROFL Glad to see you're keeping your sense of humor. ;)

Actually, on the political front, I've already got my candidate picked, provided that candidate doesn't do something monumentally stupid between now & the time I cast my vote. Ironic, considering how long I waited to make my choice in the last election, not liking any of the candidates overmuch. Between your good word, and that of my middle sis, I think I'll have to pay considerably more attention to Jon Stuart this time around.

July 28, 2007 2:04 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

One of Mr. Vick's partners in crime has a plea hearing set for 9 am Monday morning. Looks like he's going to take a plea deal to rat everybody else out.

If Vick is smart he'll take a deal too. If he cooperates fully he might even avoid jail time or maybe only get a few months. Then he'll be able to resume his NFL career next year. Just like Jamal Lewis did after his 3 months for drug trafficking.

July 28, 2007 1:23 PM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

jay - No deal for Vick because he is the kingpin.

Dude, this case goes back to his days at Virginia.

He is in serious trouble and the federal team has all the ducks lined up in a row.

Make no mistake, Vick is going down hard.

July 28, 2007 3:07 PM  
Blogger C-dell said...

sorry to miss so many post I will be back soon. I was just busy

July 28, 2007 4:53 PM  
Blogger The Artist formerly Known as Purpleworms (!) said...

Split my sides laughing! I think we need to start a movement Grooving Actress LIndsay Lohan. I'm sure there's already a Support Your Paris Hilton organization of some kind that needs to be countered!!

July 29, 2007 11:11 AM  
Blogger Citymouse said...

Great post now, to help breast feeding you need
1. do all the dishes
2. make all meals
3. do all laundry
4. Not try to suck on the other while she is feeding the child!

July 30, 2007 6:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sore nipples? seems to me that you have posted about nipples before. i hope your nipples feel better soon!

July 30, 2007 8:41 PM  
Blogger Aileen said...

I've been keeping score and I believe the ball is in Paris's court. Your turn sweetie. Make an ass of yourself!
What the hell happened to the bad BOYS? These coked up , drunken bitches are taking Hollywood by storm! I was worried about my daughter. I should worry more about my 6 boys! I mean what is this world coming to? We've got Dirk playing with a BREAST pump! Hun,it's a PENIS pump you want! Snap out of it!!!!!

July 31, 2007 12:38 AM  
Blogger Captain Smack said...

A mountain is something you don't want to fuck with.

(that's just how I say hello, I'll leave a real comment next time)

July 31, 2007 4:11 AM  
Blogger Craig D said...

"Celebrity photo free?"

You had a picture of that famous Hollywood movie producer, Al Gore, on your blog recently, didn't you?

Of course, there are other such movie moguls out there...

July 31, 2007 6:29 AM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

craig - Since when have vice presidents ever been considered celebrities?

Since when have vice presidents ever been considered period?

Who ever even remembers vice presidents?

I very carefully considered that fact before posting Gore's picture.

July 31, 2007 4:21 PM  
Blogger Craig D said...

Oh, this Gore fellow was a vice-president once?

Is he the one who thinks "potato" is spelled with an "e" at the end?

I'll have to do some on-line fact-checking at swiftboat veterans' website...

August 01, 2007 6:26 AM  
Blogger Wizened Wizard said...

I was trying to make a joke, Mr. Star! Although I don't really know about such things, one doesn't usually think of a man placing a mechanical device on his, uh, nipple...

August 01, 2007 2:21 PM  
Blogger Pythia3 said...

Hello Dirk :) It's been a while, but I thought of you after I blogged about seeing Zappa Plays Zappa.
Well, I see you've been busy. Good luck and may the wet nurse games begin!
I'll be back to catch up on your blog.

August 02, 2007 5:54 PM  
Blogger Diesel said...

It's true, Paris deserves to go to jail just for the off chance that she might be able to do something useful there, like laundry or being the b*tch of another inmate.

Lindsay Lohan is cute as a button.

Thanks for stopping by my place!

August 03, 2007 11:11 AM  
Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Poor wife. I breastfed my four kids and I remember when they were so sore not even the bra or the nightie I wore could touch them in any way.
I slept at night with a cloth nappie draped over each breast very tenderly. Lanolin ointment helped between feeds...applied to the nipples.

August 06, 2007 6:12 AM  

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