So, in the course of my humanitarian efforts yesterday, a couple of issues were raised concerning my ability to attract viewers with a little display of skin. An individual I thought to be my friend, but who shall now remain forever, Nameless, insinuated that I was somehow less than appealing to the human eye.
How dare you, sir!
(1.) I am now and always have been considered to be a Hottie.
(2.) In fact, there are only two other True Hotties in the world: cinderella and ~deb-and they both email me Christmas greetings!
(3.) My friend, the wizened wizard, has strongly encouraged me to show some skin, even though I have been reticent to do so for fear of the unfair advantage it would give me in attracting new viewers to my blog.
(4.) Even in the throes of her deepest green delirium, Meander spoke the truth when she said,” i think if dirk put on a thong that he would have way more readers than me!” Yes, that is a direct quote! (What do you have to say now, Nameless one?)
(5.) Simple human compassion kept me from using the titillation of my undeniable physical attributes. All I ever wanted to do was to entertain with the deep waters of my intellect rather than the shallow springs of my God given masculine adorableness
Without further adieu, let’s get this party started!
"Look What I Can Do!"
Oh yeah, you don’t think I haven’t been killing audiences with this routine for years? Young, old, grandma or grandpa; I’ve seen them on their feet cheering, clapping and begging for more!
Star quality, baby. You’ve either got it or you don’t.
Clearly, I’ve got it...
What do you say now, Nameless one?
Wait, don’t answer yet, there’s more.
"Oh, was I naughty?"
When I turned on the sultry charm no one could resist me!
Every door opened up to the wonder of me.
There was no childrens party to which I was not invited.
(I still use that pose today and yes, it still works like a charm...)
Tomorrow, the world...
Oh you people have no idea how long I’ve waited and planned for this day to come. I have big plans for all of you. Now, I am going to turn off the Hypno-Ray (on loan from Aquaman.) so that you may return to your cubicles for the purpose of sleeping. You will need your rest for what begins tomorrow...
I tried to be caring and compassionate, but "Mr. You Know Who" would not allow it.
Oh no, he didn't think I was pretty!
You all have him to thank for this...
Labels: Hotties, party, started, Wizard