September 4, 2011

Dream until your dreams come true...

Ever since my divorce I've had any number of friends telling me that I need to get back in the saddle and start dating again. According to their sage counsel there are many fish in the sea and I just need to get out there and reel myself one in. My usual response is that at my age I'm just too old to hang out in bars playing the dating game and its been so long since I've played the game that I just don't know the rules for it anymore. These same well intentioned people then respond that I don't have to go to bars to meet women, I can meet them on websites like Craigslist.

Well, being the Internet savvy guy that I am I decided what the Hell, why not give it a try. So far the experience has proven less than satisfactory. More often than not I find women posting pictures like the one below with almost word for word ads with the accompanying messages.

SWF looking for Mr. Right for LTR.

Single white woman age 26 looking for single white man age 45-65 for dating/romance. Only serious reply, no males under 45, no married or bald men. Smokers are acceptable and drinkers too. I am also fine with 420 guys. Your picture gets mine. Put serious in the subject line. you must be local and willing to come to me, have your own transportation, home, job and credit cards. (I'm looking to be spoiled, I deserve it.)

Just for kicks mind you, I responded to a few of these ads and after the exchange of a couple of emails I'd receive an email containing a phone number. Invariably the phone calls always wound up going something like this. "Oh no, honey, I'm not her. She lives in the trailer next to mine and she don't got no phone so I lets her use mine. Hold on a minute and I'll go get her."

Well, it didn't take long for me to grow rather cynical towards these women and their ads so one night I placed an ad under the heading, Men Looking for Women, using the following picture and accompanying message.

SWM looking for SWF for LTR

SWM looking for SWF for LTR hopefully leading to marriage. Must be between the ages of 35-55. Looks are unimportant to me as I'm blind. I'm unemployed, but I do collect a monthly disability check. You must be on welfare and collecting food stamps to help supplement my monthly income. Must have your own transportation, (Current bus pass is acceptable.) mobile home and phone. Must be amenable to my dog being in the room during our sexual relations as he likes to watch. Please include picture in first email so I know you are serious.

Yes, I did receive a lot more responses than I expected, but that as they say, is a blog post for another day...

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