August 13, 2007

Girls just wanna have guns...

What else do you ride to a rumble?

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages may I direct your attention to the concrete oval in the center of the arena! Tonight’s featured attraction is a rematch between The Cincinnati Roller Girls and our very own hometown heroines on wheels, The Gem City Roller Girls!

Seoul Sister came back once,
but twice was just too much to ask.

The tension in the air was so thick you could have cut it with a chainsaw. The previous bout between these two teams ended in near riot conditions that are still talked about in local taverns today. Clearly the word rivalry only approximates the level of animosity between these two packs of wanton warriors. This promised to be a bloodbath in every sense of the word and from the opening whistle rabid fans were not disappointed. It took no more than a couple of turns around the concrete oval before bodies were hitting the floor like acorns falling from a tree during harvest season. Sadly, it quickly became apparent to the anxious onlookers that the majority of bodies lying prone upon the deck were those of our beloved purple clad Gem City girls.

Juwana Hurt, the beast in black.

Now I’m not going to say anything disparaging about the women of the Cincinnati Roller Girls (Mainly because I’m kinda scared they might hurt me.) but if the truth be known some of the ladies were so big I thought they might have been declared extinct at the end of the Mesozoic Age. The only way the Gem City Girls could have stopped some of the beasts they were facing would have been with the La Brea Tar Pits. Juwana Hurt, wearing number seventy-four for Cincinnati towered above both teams and for all the damage she inflicted on the Gem City Girls should be given the handle of Tyrene-oh-sore-us Rex.

Why are these girls always threatening me?

In the end our Gem City Girls skated bravely and kept the score close the entire bout but in the final analysis the superior size of the Cincinnati Roller Girls prevailed. It was just one of those nights where beauty couldn’t overcome the beast. The one shining moment of the evening for me was when Hannah Barbaric skated over and told me, in no uncertain terms, how all the girls had enjoyed my previous article and if I knew what was good for me I’d keep the pretty words coming. She flexed a firm feminine muscle and showed me a world of potential hurting that sure put the fear of girl power in me. I’d sure hate to have Hannah put the hurt to me I know she’s capable of delivering. (Well, maybe just a little.)

The final score may have been ugly...

There is one thing I can say I learned from the evening’s activities. The Gem City Girls achieved one thing in defeat that the Cincinnati Roller Girls will never be able to accomplish in a hundred victories. Gosh how good the Gem City girls always look win or lose.

(Sorry Cincinnati but you’ll always win ugly.)

Final thoughts:

Seoul Sister, I hope you are feeling better after a rough night. Polly Rocket, you skated your butt off! Hannah, you skate like a ballet dancer. Poison Butterfly, I cried when you were carried off the oval. How is the ankle?

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