March 24, 2007

She's like a rainbow, she comes in colors in the air

Thanks to "Critique My Blog" for the wonderful critique of my blog. This man puts an awful lot of hard work into what he does. He has some pretty good friends too.

If Skittles, Critique My Blog and Bestest Blog are on your list of blogger buddies, you are in good company indeed.

As a side note, please stop by Skittles Place and welcome her back. She hit a rough patch recently and could use some friendly words. Please go and say, “Hello.”

Tell her Eddie sent you...

Again, thanks "Critique My Blog"!

(Okay, time to gloat a little bit.)



March 23, 2007

Thanks to Best Blog of the Day for the award.

Thank you "Best Blog of the Day" for the Award! This one really is because of my wife. Felicia inspires and supports me in all of my endeavors. I am a lucky man for having you in my life and I can't thank you enough for everything you do for me.

Blog Of The Day Awards Winner
"You Are So Beautiful To Me."

March 22, 2007

Momma told me not to come...

Its all fun and games until the lights dim.

There are certain unforgettable moments in everyone’s life where society decides it is time for you to journey forth from the innocent world of childhood and enter the nightmare reality of adulthood. The greater commonwealth of those in charge, the secret Cabal of them, the unholy collective will of those who profess to know what is better “in the long run” for the individual than we do ourselves have mastered a particular educational technique (which they fiendishly employ at critical moments in the growth of living organisms) by which minds are shattered and we as lambs are led into humble submission to the law and unnatural order of society.

What is this horrific and devious technique you ask? Why are you unable to remember being subjected to such a mind altering experience? Let me see if I can refresh your memories and bring to your conscious mind the horrors that will always haunt the deeper corridors of your unconscious psyche. I’ll start with the ladies.

Do you remember those sweet days of youth where life was a celebration of pinafore dresses, Patent-leather shoes and gentle teachers guiding you in the gentile arts of Crayola? The yuckiest thing imaginable was boys, frogs being a close second. Then, without warning came that day in fourth grade. All of the girls were so excited. The movie projector implied a welcomed break from the boredom of grammar and the rigors of mathematics. The lights went down, the film began and life would never be the same afterwards. Oh, now you remember; “The secrets of men-stru-ation; one girl’s journey into womanhood.

Surely none of us have forgotten the Driver’s Education film? It was all fun and games behind the wheel until the lights went down. Who amongst us did not suffer from nightmares for weeks after being subjected to the images of twisted steel, mangled flesh and bloody decapitations? That film alone was responsible for keeping me out of the automobile and riding a ten-speed bicycle well into my late thirties. What was name of that movie? Oh yes, Billy and Susie versus the train.

Until last night I believed my experience with these types of propaganda films had concluded with the viewing of the Venereal Disease classic, Billy Loses His Gun during Marine Corps boot camp just before our first leave. My penis still shrivels up and quivers in fear every time I recall any of the pus-filled-ulcerated-bleeding-sore-images-of-rotting penile infection that brought an entire squad-bay of leather-neck-dealers-of-death to our collective knees retching in horror.

The evening began like any other of the birthing classes. The women were reclining in comfortable pillow filled lounge chairs while we the men sat at their feet in the full lotus position chanting our mantra, “The uterus is our friend, and our only concern is the welfare of the mother. This is about our wives, and not about us.” Everything seemed completely familiar and comfortable until the lights went out. That’s when the film started; Susie Gives Birth-the Directors Cut.

Ten minutes into the movie most of the men in the room were flopping around on the floor like fish out of water with their eyes rolled back in their heads and mewling like wounded kittens. Just before swooning and falling to the floor myself I seem to remember the female instructor shouting something along the lines of, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” Things get a little fuzzy after that, but I will try my best to report the incident as clearly as I remember it happening.

As consciousness slowly began returning to my shattered mind I was greeted by a sight that will forever remain etched upon the cave walls of my masculine soul. In the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the flickering images of the birthing process upon the movie screen stood the instructor, her head thrown back, arms swaying slowly back and forth above her head as she spoke in a language known only to women since the dawn of time. Our wives danced in a pelvis grinding circle around the men lying at their feet all the while waving breast pumps high above their heads in a frenzied celebration of victory. They were singing an ancient song of fertility the only lyrics of which I can recall went something like, “My hump, my hump; my sexy lady hump...”

Then next thing I remember is the lights being back on and sitting up with a cold towel draped upon my forehead. The instructor was handing out D.V.D. copies of the film we’d just been subjected to along with instructions on how to use it if any husband began forgetting his place. It was then I truly understood; the party is over...

Tonight, while certain bastards enjoy the meaningless cavorting of young men throwing balls through a hoop in something called The Big Dance, I think I will enjoy a quiet evening at home with my wife enjoying the movie, Love Story. Tomorrow I will follow my wife’s suggestion and see just how much my PlayStation II and video game collection will bring in at the yard sale towards the baby’s college fund.

March 21, 2007

It was horrible. Why didn't anyone warn me?

It was all so wonderful, until this evening and now I'm scarred for life.

I can’t even blog about it. My eyes, what did they do to my eyes?

I can’t deal with this right now.

Maybe tomorrow...

March 20, 2007

The critics have spoken, again.

Considering what I have to work with...

As anyone who reads my humble blog is aware I am not one to brag or toot my own horn. As a simple country boy I consider myself lucky if I am able to string enough words together to form a coherent sentence. Eloquence is an aspiration to which I continually aspire yet rarely come close to achieving.

Imagine my surprise when I read the following review of my site. If it were not for the gifted prose and near surgical precision in her analysis of my rag-of-a-blog I would have suspected the reviewer of being under the influence of mind altering drugs.

I am now proud to present another button in the sidebar of my blog. Ask and ye shall receive is a great site if you have the courage to first ask for and then accept the critique they will give you.

It must be a miracle that I escaped unscathed.

Thank you, Ask and ye shall receive for the too kind words.

March 19, 2007

You are so beautiful to me...

The only time I've ever worn a suit.

Tomorrow, March the twentieth, Felicia and I will celebrate our third-year-wedding anniversary. It seems like such a short measure of time considering the eternity our souls have walked together in loving bliss. It feels like we have been together forever, as if the days of our lives did not begin until we came together and could not continue if we were parted. Felicia is the Alpha and Omega of my world.

Felicia and I met at Walgreens where I worked as a lead cashier. Of the many people who passed through my checkout line each day she always caught my attention. Whenever possible I would take a quick break and spend a few minutes chatting with her outside the store when she came in to do some shopping. She was interesting and I thought she was cute in her knee-high boots and plaid mini-skirt.

When I finally asked her what she did with her days and she told me, I pretty much figured she was way out of my league and I kind of backed off a bit. We still continued to chat and I always enjoyed the time we spent together at the store but I’d pretty much given up on the idea of asking her out on a date.

Then she came in on my birthday with a plate full of fresh baked cookies and tickets for an upcoming performance of the orchestra she plays tympani in. I asked her for a date and she said yes. To make a long story short we wound up sitting in a pizzeria on Main Street sharing a meal and wonderful conversation until the establishment closed and we were forced to leave. From that day forward we were nearly inseparable.

Eventually we moved in together and began sharing our lives. It was a wonderful time and up until that point I had never been happier. As our first Christmas approached we planned a trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Felicia surprised me by booking a luxury suite which included an in room Jacuzzi, a sauna in the bathroom and a television screen that dropped down from the ceiling and a fireplace. It was a romantic place to spend a week surrounded by snow covered mountains and a community aglow with thousands of twinkling Christmas lights.

We spent a large portion of our days shopping and enjoying the sights and sounds of Gatlinburg. One of the shops we visited was a Harley Davidson outlet that carried a large selection of leather boots and shoes. Felicia fell in love with a pair of brown shoes that sported maroon flames down the sides. As with all cool things the shoes also sported a rather hefty price tag. Every time we stopped in the store Felicia would gaze longingly at those shoes and sigh wistfully. I told her again and again to get the darn things but she just kept saying they were too expensive and it would be a selfish purchase.

One day towards the end of our stay we found ourselves sitting once more in the Harley Davidson boutique looking at boots and shoes. I kept trying to convince Felicia to purchase the footwear she so obviously loved but she would not be convinced. It was then that the manager of the establishment walked over and started talking to Felicia.

“I don’t know what it is about you and your fellow but every time you two wander into my shop business gets better and everyone gets a good laugh and leaves with a smile. If you want those shoes I’ll knock an extra fifteen percent off the price.”

Felicia looked up at me with rapture filled eyes and I told her to go ahead and try them on. They fit her like they were made for her feet and to our amazement as the heat from her foot warmed up the shoe the maroon flames down the sides turned redder and redder. She fell hopelessly in love with those shoes. She still was resistant to the purchase so I told the clerk to ring them up and we’d take them. As we walked out of the store she looked at me and said whatever I wanted it was mine for the asking. She knew that I wanted a fringed leather jacket and she said if we found one I was going to get it.

We ate lunch at a nice Italian restaurant and afterwards continued our holiday shopping spree. We were in a small leather store when Felicia grasped my arm and directed my attention to a buckskin jacket draped upon a mannequin up on the top shelf of a display stand in the corner. It was the jacket I’ve always wanted since my days as a teenager in the Neil Young inspired days in the early seventies. It was perfect.

Felicia cornered a clerk and soon the jacket was in my hands and shortly thereafter it was hanging from my shoulders in all its fringed glory. The sales clerk directed me to a mirror so I could take a look and see how the coat fit. It was one of those triple mirror sets that allow you to see three views of yourself. As I stood in front of the mirror admiring the coat and how well it fit my frame I caught a glimpse of Felicia. She was wearing the biggest grin and glowing with happiness.

Standing there in front of the mirrors wearing the fine leather coat and looking at Felicia’s reflection I experienced one of those epiphany moments in life and I knew there was only one thing in the world I truly desired. I turned from the mirror, took the coat off and draped it across my arm and walked over to where Felicia stood waiting with the sales clerk. “Thank you, but it’s not want I’m looking for.”

Felicia was crestfallen. “Its okay honey, I got the shoes you can get the coat.”

“You said I could have whatever I want. Well, I think I found something better than the coat.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I’ll tell you later when we get back to our suite.”

At the end of our day in town we relaxed in the Jacuzzi and then made the sweetest love imaginable. Afterwards we lay in bed holding each other and basking in the peace that only a couple in love can share. It was a perfect moment...

“Honey, I know how crazy you thought I was when I told you how much I love you. Well, you are going to think I’m a whole lot crazier. I’m not asking you to do it right now in Gatlinburg. I know how important your family is to you and how important it will be to have them participate in the moment, but when you’re ready, will you marry me?”

With eyes filled with tears she said yes and made me a very happy man. That was three years ago. Every day since then has been filled with the best love I never imagined possible. Felicia has filled in the missing colors on the canvas of my soul and completed the painting of my life. She is every thing I never even knew I wanted out of life. Now that I’ve met her I can’t imagine spending days without her.

Happy anniversary, Angel; I can’t wait to celebrate a thousand more.

Blog Of The Day Awards Winner

March 18, 2007

And the cat's in the cradle with a silver spoon...

Baby, its cold outside...

Kung Pao is my cat. He adopted me about six years ago and has been my faithful companion ever since. I first met this reincarnated Taoist entity when I was a student at Sinclair Community College taking a general philosophy class. One of my fellow students was having a difficult time with Plato and when she asked the professor for help he referred her to me.

It was late in the quarter and if she didn’t do well on her final paper she was going to fail the class. I didn’t think there was much I could do to help her and was going to politely turn her aside. She managed to persuade me to change my mind when she offered to provide homemade dinners as long as we worked on her paper. At the time I was a bachelor living with a house full of roommates and the promise of food served in containers that weren’t Styrofoam or cardboard was a real deal maker.

The sky was clear and the sun warmed a perfect spring afternoon the first day we met at her house to work on her paper. She asked how grilled steaks sounded and then fixed me an iced-tea. As soon as I sat down in the wicker chair outside on the wooden deck just off of the kitchen porch a cat strolled up, rubbed once against my legs and then jumped in my lap. He quickly settled in and started soaking up the love while I enjoyed the lovely day.

Sherri stepped out of the back door carrying a plate of steaks and a pitcher of iced-tea. She started to say something and then gasped in surprise.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’ve been feeding that cat for six months and he won’t even come up on the deck until I’m back in the house and the door is closed. How did you manage to get him to sit in your lap?”

“He just walked up here and got in my lap, I didn’t do anything. I thought he was your cat.”

For the next three weeks Sherri and I repeated our dinner and study sessions. The weather continued to be idyllic for early spring and we enjoyed sitting out on the deck and soaking up the sunshine. Kung Pao always joined us and it was if he looked forward to my visits and waited anxiously for the weekend when he knew I would be coming over to study. I think Sherri was a little miffed by the rejection of Kung Pao in favor of me but she never said much about it. Every now and then a tiny frown would flash across her face and she’d shake her head in consternation as if to say, “you bastard.”

The quarter was coming to a close and Sherri was preparing to return home to Youngstown, Ohio. She passed the philosophy class and thanks to our efforts together she even got an A on her final paper. I was preparing to relax and enjoy a Sunday of video gaming when there was a knock on the front door. I got up off the sofa and when I answered the door there stood Sherri holding a pet carrier with Kung Pao inside, a litter box and a bag of litter. A little frown crossed my face. “What’s this?”

“I’m making my final stop before leaving. I don’t have much time so I’ll make this brief. This cat knows where he’s supposed to be even if you don’t know it yet. He loves you and I think he’d be miserable if he never saw you again.” With that said she walked into my house, set the litter box down in the kitchen and filled it with cat litter. When she opened the pet carrier Kung Pao walked out and promptly put the new box to immediate use. When he finished he walked down the hallway, jumped up into my bed and laid down as if he’d been doing so his entire life and began grooming himself.

Sherri left and I never saw her again. Kung Pao never left and remains one of my best friends to this day. I wasn’t looking for a cat when I met Kung Pao and I certainly wasn’t looking for a spiritual teacher. I thought I was figuring things out just fine all by myself. He knew better and decided to take me under his metaphorical wing. I didn’t think I was capable of taking care of anyone besides myself. Kung Pao taught me otherwise.

When Felicia and I decided to move in together I was worried about what to do with Kung Pao. Felicia is a dog lover and not to fond of those of the feline persuasion. She already had one dog, Mina and they had been living together since she was a puppy. I finally convinced her to give Kung Pao a chance. I promised her that if things didn’t work out, we’d figure out something to do.

Now he sits on Felicia’s lap and soaks up the loving. I think it is his way of saying, “I knew where you were heading all along and I wasn’t going to miss this for the world.” At times when he is nestled comfortably upon my wife’s pregnant belly looking much like a guard on duty I can’t help but smile and wonder; what lessons he is waiting to teach my son.

View My Profile

* * * *
My personality type?

Friends and Neighbors.

Blog Directory & Search engine

C-List Blogger

Blogarama - The Blog Directory

Page by Pixie

Powered by Blogger