July 27, 2007

Kibbutz and bits...

Jon Stewart
(Not pictured above.)

Anyone who followed the last presidential election and did not watch the Daily Show on the Comedy Central Network missed a truly delightful tongue in cheek analysis of the process of our democracy in action. Once again a constitutional crises draws nigh and the Daily Show has launched Indecision 2008.

Now, admittedly the election is still a good while in the future and this is kinda like throwing your Christmas party in August. None of the really good guests have arrived yet and about the only appetizers you’ll find are a few crusty bread sticks and a bottle or two of sparkling water. All that aside, it is a good time to bookmark the site so that when things do begin heating up you’ll already to be prepared to arrive fashionably late and tastefully dressed in your very best Sunday go to campaign screen name. Seriously folks, check this place out. It is more fun than politics ought to be.

Michael Vick was in court Thursday afternoon and has entered a not guilty plea in response to federal charges of dog fighting. In an interview following the court proceedings Mr. Vick is reported to have said, “Chill out people, its not like I was feeding baskets of kittens into a wood chipper. Although I will not be issuing a public apology for my personal actions off the field, I am prepared to accept a one game suspension, during preseason, in hopes that this unfortunate incident can be put behind me and I can go on with my life as a millionaire athlete happy to be living above the law.”

To the judicial system of California I would at this time like to enter the following plea; please do not sentence Lindsey Lohan to jail time for making a couple of innocent mistakes with cocaine while driving under the influence of alcohol. My concern is that Lindsey is no Paris Hilton and may not posses the physical strength, let alone the psychological fortitude necessary for survival in the big house.

Ms. Hilton is a hardened party girl with a total disregard for legitimate employment. One can plainly see in the criminal set of her pouting lips a cold stony petulance always present in the criminally vacuous. Lindsey Lohan on the other hand is employed as a serious actress. She is simply an innocent young girl who has fallen in with the wrong celebrity crowd of bad girls such as Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton and Punky Brewster.

I don’t believe Ms. Lohan can endure the prison experience with the grace and personal dignity displayed by Paris Hilton. I’m afraid what jail life would do to Lindsey and I’d hate to see her acting career ruined simply because one self aggrandizing judge wants to make a personal statement about the law. Rules are made to be broken, just ask Scooter Libbey or Nicole Ritchie. (After she serves her ninety hours in the slammer for driving under the influence.)

On a personal note, I’ve been trying my very best to help Felicia with the process of breastfeeding our new baby, Micah, but no matter how much I use the breast pump all I’ve managed to produce so far is one set of very sore and tender nipples. It hurts, and as much as I want to help I’m afraid my wife is just going to have to suffer through this one all by herself.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and apply some salve to my nipples. Have a safe weekend and please do not follow the examples of our political, Hollywood and professional sports role models.

Oh, and have some fun, you've earned it.

July 22, 2007

Harry Potter spoiler...

A darker more adult tale.

After a magical night with Hermione, Harry Potter is informed by the school nurse that he's contracted a rather nasty case of genital hogwarts.

(Wow, this promises to be a horror story of unparalleled magnitude.)

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