Big wheels keep on rolling...
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls of all ages there was only one red-hot ticket for one must-see show and you know you possessed said ticket if it proclaimed on its front the impending conflagration between the “Gem City Roller Girls“ and the Smokin’ Guns of the “Fort Wayne Derby Girls”. Billed as “Red, White and Bruised” this event promised to be a veritable cornucopia of pain on wheels. Yours truly was fortunate to be in possession of two ring side seats. Now, a sporting event of this magnitude needs to be shared with a special friend and that’s why I wasted no time in getting on the horn, calling up my good buddy, Mad Max and letting him know what time I’d be swinging by to pick him up.
When we arrived at the
(Course, what do I know about "military hardware"?)
Well good folks, the evening may have started out all sweetness and light as Max and I collected our souvenir shirts, buttons and bumper stickers but it didn’t take long to turn nasty with these hot-wheeled babes of bashing. No sooner had we taken our seats when the pack began forming up for the first jam of the night. When the buzzer sounded it was high speed rumbling tumbling black and blue hell on wheels action. I nearly got whip lashed trying to follow the girls flashing around the oval track! By the time I got settled into my seat the first quarter had come to a close with the score a mighty close one between the two combative teams of cat-fighting girls on hot neoprene wheels of death.
Well now, sometimes ringside seats can prove to be a little too close the action and such proved to be the case when an enraged skater by the name of “Poisonous butterfly” rolled over and started screaming something about an ex-husband, unfinished trailer repairs and child support while holding me in a choke hold and thumping on my cranial dome like she was playing “Wipe Out” on a set of bongo drums. Thankfully, the crew of quick thinking zebras was able to race to my rescue and pull the maniacal madam of mayhem off of me before too much permanent damage had been inflicted upon my person. After emotions had cooled a bit she rolled over later and apologized for the incident and after showing me a picture of her ex I did have to admit how much the two of resembled each other.
After that the evening was pretty much a symphony of ringing ears underneath a sky of swirling stars around my head. I do know there were lots of brutal hits, someone named, “Hannah Barbaric” was scoring points like Michael Jordon in his prime and someone called “Bang- Bang Ladesh” from
Oh, one last thing. Once Max got to the car he couldn’t stop talking about his good fortune in actually scoring a little beaver...