August 13, 2007

Girls just wanna have guns...

What else do you ride to a rumble?

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages may I direct your attention to the concrete oval in the center of the arena! Tonight’s featured attraction is a rematch between The Cincinnati Roller Girls and our very own hometown heroines on wheels, The Gem City Roller Girls!

Seoul Sister came back once,
but twice was just too much to ask.

The tension in the air was so thick you could have cut it with a chainsaw. The previous bout between these two teams ended in near riot conditions that are still talked about in local taverns today. Clearly the word rivalry only approximates the level of animosity between these two packs of wanton warriors. This promised to be a bloodbath in every sense of the word and from the opening whistle rabid fans were not disappointed. It took no more than a couple of turns around the concrete oval before bodies were hitting the floor like acorns falling from a tree during harvest season. Sadly, it quickly became apparent to the anxious onlookers that the majority of bodies lying prone upon the deck were those of our beloved purple clad Gem City girls.

Juwana Hurt, the beast in black.

Now I’m not going to say anything disparaging about the women of the Cincinnati Roller Girls (Mainly because I’m kinda scared they might hurt me.) but if the truth be known some of the ladies were so big I thought they might have been declared extinct at the end of the Mesozoic Age. The only way the Gem City Girls could have stopped some of the beasts they were facing would have been with the La Brea Tar Pits. Juwana Hurt, wearing number seventy-four for Cincinnati towered above both teams and for all the damage she inflicted on the Gem City Girls should be given the handle of Tyrene-oh-sore-us Rex.

Why are these girls always threatening me?

In the end our Gem City Girls skated bravely and kept the score close the entire bout but in the final analysis the superior size of the Cincinnati Roller Girls prevailed. It was just one of those nights where beauty couldn’t overcome the beast. The one shining moment of the evening for me was when Hannah Barbaric skated over and told me, in no uncertain terms, how all the girls had enjoyed my previous article and if I knew what was good for me I’d keep the pretty words coming. She flexed a firm feminine muscle and showed me a world of potential hurting that sure put the fear of girl power in me. I’d sure hate to have Hannah put the hurt to me I know she’s capable of delivering. (Well, maybe just a little.)

The final score may have been ugly...

There is one thing I can say I learned from the evening’s activities. The Gem City Girls achieved one thing in defeat that the Cincinnati Roller Girls will never be able to accomplish in a hundred victories. Gosh how good the Gem City girls always look win or lose.

(Sorry Cincinnati but you’ll always win ugly.)

Final thoughts:

Seoul Sister, I hope you are feeling better after a rough night. Polly Rocket, you skated your butt off! Hannah, you skate like a ballet dancer. Poison Butterfly, I cried when you were carried off the oval. How is the ankle?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

GCRG rules!!! And we love you Dirk!

August 13, 2007 12:12 PM  
Anonymous poisonous butterfly said...

Thanks for the great commentary! We love it!

That was my bad knee, as a matter of fact - fighting a previous tendon/kneecap injury. My doc told me to skate but I don't think he realized that "skate" meant "take beatings from freakish amazon broads from down south". I'll be sitting out for our rematch in two weeks but I'm trying to get well enough to come back for the rest of the season!!

Do come watch us pay Cincy back on August 25 at the Cincinnati Gardens!!!

August 13, 2007 1:45 PM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

What? Roller girls are reading my unworthy blog?

You girls rock!

And roll...

See you in Cincy.

August 13, 2007 2:20 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

Looks like a whole lot of fun!!!

August 13, 2007 3:07 PM  
Anonymous British BOMBshell #1900 said...

We love to read the blogs!!! You have won a spot in our hearts :)

August 13, 2007 3:10 PM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

pixie - You have no idea!

If you have a team in your area I strongly encourage you to go and see these girls skate.

The kids love em'. I think a great deal of the joy I receive from going to see these events is the interaction between the skaters and the little ones.

I have never been turned down for a photo request and I've never seen a youngster turned down for a hug request or an autograph.

Roller derby is making a real comeback and it is a hooting good time!

Did I mention the Gem City shirts? They are the bomb and every girl needs to go on line and order at least one. Guys too!

August 13, 2007 3:35 PM  
Anonymous phoenix fatality said...

you are an awesome blogger and super fan! thank you for coming out and showing your support!!! now tell everyone you know and get them to witness the glory that is the Gem City Rollergirls!

August 13, 2007 4:31 PM  
Anonymous Seoul Sister said...

Thanks for the great re-cap - my head's on and focused for Aug 25th! Can't wait to see you cheering us on in Cincy - I've got some special pay back to give!

August 13, 2007 5:34 PM  
Blogger C-dell said...

Wow Dirk. I have said it before and I am saying it again you have a cool life you live yours you are always doing cool a nd unique things. I never would have found a place like that on my own

August 13, 2007 6:11 PM  
Blogger Aileen said...

Someone's become a roller groupie ! I remember watching a bit of roller derby when I was younger but I've never understood the rules. Do they have a website?

August 14, 2007 1:27 PM  
Anonymous Rack said...

Come out and show us some love!!

August 16, 2007 12:23 PM  

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