November 29, 2006

Let's get this party started!

So, in the course of my humanitarian efforts yesterday, a couple of issues were raised concerning my ability to attract viewers with a little display of skin. An individual I thought to be my friend, but who shall now remain forever, Nameless, insinuated that I was somehow less than appealing to the human eye.

How dare you, sir!

The Facts!

(1.) I am now and always have been considered to be a Hottie.

(2.) In fact, there are only two other True Hotties in the world: cinderella and ~deb-and they both email me Christmas greetings!

(3.) My friend, the wizened wizard, has strongly encouraged me to show some skin, even though I have been reticent to do so for fear of the unfair advantage it would give me in attracting new viewers to my blog.

(4.) Even in the throes of her deepest green delirium, Meander spoke the truth when she said,” i think if dirk put on a thong that he would have way more readers than me!” Yes, that is a direct quote! (What do you have to say now, Nameless one?)

(5.) Simple human compassion kept me from using the titillation of my undeniable physical attributes. All I ever wanted to do was to entertain with the deep waters of my intellect rather than the shallow springs of my God given masculine adorableness

Without further adieu, let’s get this party started!

"Look What I Can Do!"

Oh yeah, you don’t think I haven’t been killing audiences with this routine for years? Young, old, grandma or grandpa; I’ve seen them on their feet cheering, clapping and begging for more!

Star quality, baby. You’ve either got it or you don’t.

Clearly, I’ve got it...

What do you say now, Nameless one?

Wait, don’t answer yet, there’s more.

"Oh, was I naughty?"

When I turned on the sultry charm no one could resist me!

Every door opened up to the wonder of me.

There was no childrens party to which I was not invited.

(I still use that pose today and yes, it still works like a charm...)

Tomorrow, the world...

Oh you people have no idea how long I’ve waited and planned for this day to come. I have big plans for all of you. Now, I am going to turn off the Hypno-Ray (on loan from Aquaman.) so that you may return to your cubicles for the purpose of sleeping. You will need your rest for what begins tomorrow...

I tried to be caring and compassionate, but "Mr. You Know Who" would not allow it.

Oh no, he didn't think I was pretty!

You all have him to thank for this...

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Blogger Mone said...

show some skin, show some skin, show some skin!

November 29, 2006 2:36 AM  
Blogger Cinderella said...

Awwwwwwww shucks! You are sweet!

I am sure there are plentyyyy of hotties in the blog world but I will take this compliment and run with it! =) Thank you!

How does one become worthy of linkage to your blog?

P.S. I am happy you love my Christmas greetings ;) *Smack*

November 29, 2006 7:17 AM  
Blogger The Wizened Wizard said...

Omigod, Dirk. Sigmund Gnome left a horribly rude comment on my blog. I can't believe what he said, and I am so very sorry...

November 29, 2006 8:24 AM  
Blogger Citymouse said...

I think you did this just to promote my blog (how sweet of you again!) I just updated my blogger links under the title of NAKED PEOPLE.. funny how that works

November 29, 2006 9:21 AM  
Blogger Craig D said...

I find the very thought of this Dirk fellow posing in a thong repulsive and disgusting. Never once would I fantasize about such a vile thing. I need your help and money to combat these sort of horrific insinuations. Please won't you help?

November 29, 2006 9:48 AM  
Blogger Craig D said...

I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment for all of you.

The fact is I am guilty and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life.

I have purchased Crstal Light lemonade from this fine man and have enjoyed drinking it. With ice cubes, even.

It is I who now wears the thong of shame.

I will be appearing on Jessy Jackman's radio show later this week to further atone for my indiscretions.

Please, forgive me.

November 29, 2006 9:52 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Maybe we should ALL pose in thongs. The great Thong-off of 2006?

Honestly I'm a little worried about where this is going. But, I know I won't be able to resist coming back and seeing what's next.

November 29, 2006 10:32 AM  
Blogger Zen Wizard said...

Thanks for the shout-out!

(Not now, Aquaman! I'm trying to type! You'd think with your "telepathy" you would know that...)

November 29, 2006 11:40 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Flattery will get you everywhere my dear! ;)

November 29, 2006 12:59 PM  
Blogger Spoke said...

nmeydJay, I'm not posing in a thong. The mere thought sends shivers up my spine...it's minus 30 degrees celcius where I live! (you should all be relieved)
Dirk, nice try, those shots are not of you! They didn't have plastic rings when YOU were a babe...wooden yes. Plastic, no.
Caught ya!

November 29, 2006 1:27 PM  
Blogger The Wizened Wizard said...

A pile of Craig D puns? Looks more like the shit d puns to me...!

November 29, 2006 1:54 PM  
Blogger The Wizened Wizard said...

No, you didn't mention your award... Please! Do tell! The gnomes and faeries are driving me nuts with their curious questions. (Of course they are also dying to see how Craig D looks in "the thong of shame," just so you know the level of their functioning). And I'm supposed to be cleaning the barn at this moment, just so you know the level of MY functioning...

November 29, 2006 2:26 PM  
Blogger Meander said...

"the thong of shame"...i love it! what would said thong look like i wonder?

now if you truly do wish to find out if you are a hottie or not you must post a photo of yourself on this website: www.hotornot.com

i double dog dare you!

oh you also have to get onto the 25 peeps site! there is a dude on there who has taken a picture of his ass wearing a necklace and it looks like cleavage. it is scary how real it looks but he has been on there for months! i think you have what it takes to defeat the butt man! go to www.25peeps.com

November 29, 2006 3:14 PM  
Blogger skeet said...

Spectator sports. Yeah, that's what I'm best at. I think I'll just sit here & observe. ;0)

November 29, 2006 3:40 PM  
Blogger The Wizened Wizard said...

The Wizard is a bit slow today... It finally occurred to me to look around your blog instead of looking for a new posting, and, (Voila!) there, on the right side, hidden below The Whine Cellar, is the link. Congratulations! But how did it take the bestowers of this honor so long to find you???

November 29, 2006 3:45 PM  
Blogger skeet said...

Woo woo! Mr. Blof-of-the-Day, I salute you!

November 29, 2006 3:54 PM  
Blogger Asara Dragoness said...

It's a MeMe!!

November 29, 2006 3:56 PM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

Oh yes, there will be a celebration in tomorrow's post!

November 29, 2006 4:06 PM  
Blogger Arcturus said...

Meander asked the question about seeing you in a thong ... is this post related to that one? Perhaps if you wore that Uncle Sam hat, too.

November 29, 2006 4:14 PM  
Blogger skeet said...

At which time you will forgive me for calling you a blof?

My humble apologies, Mr. BloG of the day! It's hard to see the keyboard when one is bowing to greatness.

November 29, 2006 4:15 PM  
Blogger Craig D said...

As Michael Richards might say, "Thanks for all the attention, folks!"

And congrats to our host, dirk_star, on his bloggerific bloggy award!

Now, if I can just find that thong thingy...

November 29, 2006 4:29 PM  
Blogger Manny said...


November 29, 2006 4:33 PM  
Anonymous Whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I can't wait to see what comes next!

November 29, 2006 5:54 PM  
Blogger Cinderella said...

ongrats!! Yayyyyy!!! I am so happy for you!!

November 29, 2006 6:18 PM  
Blogger Meander said...

you guys! come on over to my place to see dirk in his thong! i have a photo as proof!

November 29, 2006 6:21 PM  
Blogger melanie said...

Found you through Blog of the Day. congrats! and i do like those compelling poses.

and whomever this nameless person is, Sod Him... you have a new reader!

November 29, 2006 7:47 PM  

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