The Dirk_Star Revealed!So I emailed a picture to the Wizened Wizard and asked if she could take it into Adobe Photoshop and edit out some of the blemishes for me. She returned this photo and said it was the best she could do.
Oh well, it is what’s on the inside that counts...
(She said she had to black out most of that too.)
Sigh...
Labels: Exhibition, Photoshop, Wizard
"The Nameless One.""Wait, don't hit that button!"
I tried to stop him but you know how strong the Nameless One is when he’s in a rage. It all happened so fast. I mean, he appeared out of nowhere. One minute I’m merrily working away in my blog-shop and then bam, like magic he stood there wearing a pointed blue hat decorated with yellow stars and crescent moons on it.
(He claimed he "borrowed" it from the Wizened Wizard.)
He was carrying a weapon; a really big axe like one of those you see in that World of Warcraft game. His eyes were wild with hate and he was foaming at the mouth. He started screaming, “I’ve met Frank Zappa! I know Frank Zappa! And you, sir are no Frank Zappa!”
I was like, “Dude, chill out. Put down the axe and let’s talk this thing out.” My words were of no avail. He whirled around and began chopping and hacking at the HTML of my blog. I was shaking in my avatar and fearing for my virtual life.
“Wait, don’t touch that button!”
And then everything went blank...
It was horrible.
Then, there was a bright white light and I heard a sound like the voices of a thousand Bill Gates singing hosannas to the highest. I saw all of my former web pages coming to greet me. It was wondrous to behold. I was going home...
Just when I was about to enter that great bitmap in the sky, a voice called out to me. It was faint at first, but it kept growing stronger and more insistent. “Dirk_Star, don’t go into the light! Turn away from the light and look at me!” Ruefully I turned my head and there she was, the Pixie.
“Follow me!” she cried, “We can fix this; trust me, it’s not your time yet.” She stretched out her hand and my fingers entwined in hers and suddenly I was back in the blog-shop.
The Nameless One was gone but the devastation of his visit remained. Everything lay in ruins around us; all of my links were gone, my wonderful award lay shattered and in ruins on the floor. My psychedelic graphics were nothing more than a colorful memory.
“It’s alright, Dirk_Star. Do exactly as I say. I want you to click your ruby-red-slippers-of-reset together three times and shout, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”” Pixie smiled and her radiance lifted my spirits. “Believe those words in your heart and everything will be as good as new.”
Even though my heart was still heavy, I did as she instructed and as you can see with your very own eyes, everything was magically set to rights and again the “Yellow Blogarine” has returned to the waters of the Internet.
It was a miracle!
Yes, I once was lost, but thanks to the Pixie, I now am found.
Why oh why does the Nameless One hate me so? He is determined I must perish. If ever you come here and find that I am missing, please send Scotland Yard to his blog immediately.
If your link is absent from the list of good vibes please tell me and I will replace it as soon as possible. Again, this is no fault of my own.
Blame the nameless one...
He’s trying to kill me!
Don't forget what the doorman said...
Breaking ground.Labels: gnomes, mushrooms, psychedelic, Wizard
So, in the course of my humanitarian efforts yesterday, a couple of issues were raised concerning my ability to attract viewers with a little display of skin. An individual I thought to be my friend, but who shall now remain forever, Nameless, insinuated that I was somehow less than appealing to the human eye.
How dare you, sir!
The Facts!
(1.) I am now and always have been considered to be a Hottie.
(2.) In fact, there are only two other True Hotties in the world: cinderella and ~deb-and they both email me Christmas greetings!
(3.) My friend, the wizened wizard, has strongly encouraged me to show some skin, even though I have been reticent to do so for fear of the unfair advantage it would give me in attracting new viewers to my blog.
(4.) Even in the throes of her deepest green delirium, Meander spoke the truth when she said,” i think if dirk put on a thong that he would have way more readers than me!” Yes, that is a direct quote! (What do you have to say now, Nameless one?)
Without further adieu, let’s get this party started!
"Look What I Can Do!"
Oh yeah, you don’t think I haven’t been killing audiences with this routine for years? Young, old, grandma or grandpa; I’ve seen them on their feet cheering, clapping and begging for more!
Star quality, baby. You’ve either got it or you don’t.
Clearly, I’ve got it...
What do you say now, Nameless one?
Wait, don’t answer yet, there’s more.
"Oh, was I naughty?"When I turned on the sultry charm no one could resist me!
Every door opened up to the wonder of me.
There was no childrens party to which I was not invited.
(I still use that pose today and yes, it still works like a charm...)
Tomorrow, the world...
Oh you people have no idea how long I’ve waited and planned for this day to come. I have big plans for all of you. Now, I am going to turn off the Hypno-Ray (on loan from Aquaman.) so that you may return to your cubicles for the purpose of sleeping. You will need your rest for what begins tomorrow...
I tried to be caring and compassionate, but "Mr. You Know Who" would not allow it.
You all have him to thank for this...
