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December 22, 2007

And so this is Christmas...

The spirit of Christmas to come...


As I sit here typing this Christmas post our house is filled with the scent of fresh baked cookies and rock and roll carols. Felicia is giving Micah a bath after his teething cookie. The lights are low and the Christmas tree is aglow with twinkling lights. It looks and feels like the holiday in our home. We are lucky to have it so good.

This has been a year of great contradiction for me. I’ve been blessed with the addition of my son and the continued celebration of love that is my life with Felicia. Truly, no man has been given any greater gifts than I. My little family is the most wonderful experience of my life and I cherish every moment we all share together.

I only wish the world was as warm and filled with love as my home. This has been a year filled with such terrible sadness around the globe. We are all suffering through a war that shows no sign of ending. We are all suffering from the effects of global warming and its affects upon the environment. I worry for my son and can’t help but wonder if the world he grows up in will be as lush and green as the one I knew as a boy. Will he be able to journey into the woods and swim in a pond? Will he be able to poke turtles with a stick and watch them withdraw into armored shells? Will there be any honey bees left for him to watch pollinate wild flowers in the fields?

Will my son’s future be as a soldier in a faraway land fighting a war that did not end by the time he turned eighteen? Will he fight for a people who view him only with hatred never knowing the wonderful little boy he was as a child? Will he die on the sand instead of at side of a loving wife who shared the same joy of marriage as Felicia and I have enjoyed? I worry about his future and therein rests the crux of my current angst. I am so afraid that I waited too long and that my son will know only a world as it dies and fades into a bleak world of desolation. Did I bring my son into a world devoid of hope and a real future?

I worry that I will not have enough time to prepare him to deal with the challenges I know he will have to face. He is not yet one year old and I am already fifty-three. I am diabetic and towards the end of this year I’ve felt the disease weighing upon me more than I ever have before. I’m tired and soul weary. I am afraid Micah will grow up not even remembering who I was. I love him with all of my heart and soul and I’m afraid that he’ll never really know that.

Fatherhood has proved to be an incredible experience so far. It has created feelings inside of me that I never imagined possible. I just want to do the best possible job at it that I can. I love every moment I spend with Micah and I’m trying to get as many photos of him as I possibly can. I hope that someday he’ll look at them and see himself as I saw him through a father’s loving eyes.

This has been a very interesting year for me. I hope next year is as amazing as this one has been and that the world will settle down a bit and we’ll all spend more time fixing our broken planet than we spend killing each other over stupid theological differences.

Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you and yours are safe, warm and filled with every possible joy. Cherish each moment with your families and for God’s sake put aside whatever small grievances you have with anyone and use this season as a reason to make peace with those you love and miss. Our lives pass so quickly, time spent fostering ill feelings is wasted time we can never reclaim. Be the first to reach out and embrace, you’ll be glad you did.

18 Comments:

Blogger Paul F. said...

Have a Merry Christmas yourself and I wish you and your family a healthy and Happy New Year. Thanks for sharing some of your wisdom with us.

December 22, 2007 1:11 PM  
Blogger Johanna said...

You are fascinating! I found you from a comment on a comment on a comment, I don't remember the anchor, but you hooked me in and I've bookmarked you, hope you don't mind. Similar feeling here, will maybe elaborate when it's established that I'm not a psycho(I'm fairly sure I'm not, but then, how would I KNOW?). The Frank Zappa resemblance is amazing.

December 22, 2007 9:49 PM  
Blogger Johanna said...

Oh crap, sorry!!!!! I just read further back, and saw that maybe my stuff may be objectionable to you, and I won't jump and jump and jump again. Peace!!!!!

December 22, 2007 10:49 PM  
Blogger Pepper said...

Merry Christmas!

What wonderful posts, I had given up blogging for a while, reading your posts and wonderful stories inspires me.

Give Micah and Felicia my warmest greetings. You don't need to worry about Micah's future, he will have discoveries and joy simply because he has you and Felicia as parents. You two are truly amazing people and I am so fortunate to have the pleasure of meeting your family.

December 23, 2007 12:14 PM  
Blogger Citymouse said...

to you and yours merry merry happy happy!

December 23, 2007 12:23 PM  
Blogger Johanna said...

Oh, cool, thanks for dropping by,I just didn't want to invade your personal space if,you know, you say tomato, I say tomahto ,I have unintentionally offended people in my lifetime ,whatever-Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your family too. So I'm looking forward to your future posts...peace!!

December 23, 2007 6:47 PM  
OpenID ordinaryjanet said...

Merry Christmas! That's a real cute kid you got there!

December 23, 2007 6:48 PM  
Blogger shaun said...

Dude, this is so cool ,
"I hope next year is as amazing as this one has been and that the world will settle down a bit and we’ll all spend more time fixing our broken planet than we spend killing each other over stupid theological differences." All I can say to that statement is Amen!
Peace be with you and yours

December 24, 2007 12:25 AM  
Blogger Smalltown RN said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours...I and to chuckle when I saw your opening line....great minds think alike....cheers....

December 24, 2007 7:09 AM  
Blogger Merelyme said...

you are still writing as beautifully and as poignantly as ever! just stopping by to wish you the merriest of christmases!

December 24, 2007 8:46 AM  
Blogger Wizened Wizard said...

Hi Dirk ~

Amazing how the little folks add a deeper dimension... Parenthood is a life sentence: hopes, fears, and love for this child will continue until the day you leave this earth. Blessed are you and your family.

Here's a seasonal card for you, and my best wishes for health, joy and happiness in the new year.

Wiz

December 24, 2007 3:58 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

A very merry Christmas to you and Felicia and Micah! Hope it's your best Christmas EVER!

December 24, 2007 4:14 PM  
Blogger Kati said...

Merry Christmas Dirk & Felicia & Micah!!!! I hope you all have a very blessed Day tomorrow. And many, many more to come.

December 24, 2007 10:34 PM  
Blogger Muhd Imran said...

You're a good father.

Here's wishing you and your family

MERRY CHRISTMAS & JOYOUS NEW YEAR!!!

December 25, 2007 2:15 AM  
Blogger Crashdummie said...

thats the very first pic I'm seeing of the Dudester, and omg, he's totally adoreable!

Merry Christmas Dirk - may it be filled with joy, laughter, love, sweets & gifts ;)

December 25, 2007 5:40 AM  
Blogger Betty said...

Merry Christmas to you and your lovely family. Micah is so cute! I enjoy reading your posts, although I don't always comment. Keep up the good work, and don't worry about Micah. He may well be part of the generation that will finally save this planet.

December 25, 2007 12:30 PM  
Blogger zen wizard said...

If we are assuming all modern trends continue--like global warming, fundamentalist Islamic hegemony, etc.--another trend that will continue as your son grows up is the increased efficiency of labor and the resultant increase in your son's future salary.

In other words, even if he's a barista at Starbucks, he will make $100,000 a year in 2030.

(So there is a silver lining, is what I mean to say.)

It's easy to pontificate to people who have kids when I don't have kids, but I think this coming generation should get all the initials after their name that they possibly can.

In other words, anything you can do to help him become Micah Star, Esq., LLB, JD, LLM, SJD--would be a good thing. You're going for, "Micah Star-comma-Alphabet soup."

I am not a racist or xenophobic, but the next generation really has to separate themselves from all the undocumented aliens (& for that matter, even documented aliens) that are diluting the, "redneck jobs."

While I am talking about silver linings, the silver lining to THIS is that you don't see too many Immigration attorneys on the unemployment line...

Anyway, I will stop "preaching"--it sounds like you are really blessed, so take time and have some tranquility and don't try to carry the world on your shoulders!

December 25, 2007 1:43 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Been a long time since I've commented...

What you do, is....

~You show him the stars.

~You walk with him through the snow and create a name for how that sounds.

~You explain clouds to him. What each type means, and the weather that's coming.

~You take him...and both of you sit outside of an airport and you explain the soul-thrill of flying.

~You teach him everything you know about music, and why some types have touched you. And why the types that might touch him in the future could be important.

~If he suffers nightmares or his limbs go to sleep, you wander in, and half consciously rub him, until whatever it was~goes away.

~ You continue being the great father that every bit of this blog shows you to be.

Keep giving him the spirit to live in a world gone wrong. You and Felicia are already on a good road.

December 30, 2007 12:28 AM  

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