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November 14, 2007

Shes crashing and burning, getting what she deserves...

Yes it has been awhile since I’ve posted but we’ve been so busy returning all of the recalled lead contaminated Halloween trick or treat baskets and decorations that filled our home with such a festive holiday air. We’re just glad we got to use the items before they were recalled by the caring and socially responsible people at Wal-Marts and Sam’s Club. I also just can’t begin to thank these organizations enough for hiring illegal immigrants to handle the merchandise that would otherwise be poisoning us and our families even more than purchasing them for use by our children already does.

Christmas sales are not living up to the retailer’s expectations so far this season. Corporate spokespeople are talking about how savvy shoppers are being this year and how we’re all waiting for the best sale prices to roll around. I don’t know about all of that, but Felicia and I have decided to do something special for Micah this year for his very first Christmas. We have been out shopping with only a digital camera. Every time we see something we think he’d like to find under the Christmas tree we take a picture of it.

Now, it may be disappointing at first when all Micah finds under the tree on Christmas morning is a stack of paper with digital images of gifts he could have received, but in the long run, when his brain is healthy and his body is sound because we didn’t fill his toy box with poisoned toys, I believe he’ll thank us. (As a bonus, I can hardly wait to see how many of the chosen items we photographed have not been recalled by March or April of next year.)

Does it bother anyone else that the very people who invaded Iraq because Saddam was supposedly in possession of nuclear weapons are now worried about the nuclear weapons they gave to Pakistan falling into the wrong hands? General Musharraf is a valuable ally in the war against terror. Giving Pakistan nuclear weapons created a balance of power between them and India that provided peace of mind for the region. Sending our jobs to India and Pakistan has provided a better life for the indigent people of the region and inspires them to believe in the value of democracy and capitalism over the radical philosophy of Islamic fundamentalism. Yeah, right.

Now our good friend General Musharraf has declared a state of emergency, placed his chief rival under house arrest and suspended his government while he arrests anyone questioning his authority. All he’s interested in now is job security and personal safety. He is, thanks to our wonderful president, in the perfect position to negotiate with terrorists by offering them the very same nuclear weapons we provided him to insure a sense of security against the aggressions of the savage people of India. Thanks, George Bush, for making our world a simpler and safer place in which to raise our poisoned children.

I must give kudos to the intelligent people in the drought ravaged southern states for not falling for the fallacies of global warming and turning to the only sensible solution to their water problems. Prayer will fix everything...

Ain’t it funny how karma works sometimes? One of the chief prophets of bling, booty and bucks, Kanye West, forked out pretty good money for his mother’s plastic surgery. After all, substance comes second to looking good and God knows nobody cares how many brains you’ve got if the tummy is flabby. Sorry about your mom dying, but man she sure looks good. Have you learned anything about What is really important now?

I’m sure glad the young are not falling for politics as usual. No sir, these kids are showing some real savvy by not swallowing the lies of the current crop of phonies and corporate lackeys. They are throwing their support behind a candidate with real vision. Maybe, if they’re lucky, Mr. Kucinich will invite them all out to Shirley McLain’s house to watch for U.F.O.s.

Last but not least, thanks go out to George W. and his appointees for crony economics. If not for the actions of the Fed it would probably be an even worse Christmas than it looks to turning out to be. I guess the old adage I just made up is true; sometimes it is better to postpone disaster than deal with it in the immediate moment.

Well, I’d post more but if I don’t get out and sell my body on the street I won’t be able to afford the gasoline I need to drive upon it in the daylight hours.

And you wonder why I haven’t posted in awhile...

4 Comments:

Blogger Citymouse said...

but im glad you did post!

November 14, 2007 8:48 AM  
Blogger Paul F. said...

Ahhh, yes, the voice of reason.

November 14, 2007 2:17 PM  
Blogger Kati said...

*snort* LOVE the hard truths as you're putting them forth, Dirk! Wish everybody with a bit of common sense in their brain would put it in such an easily understood manner as you do (namely James Howard Kunstler's "ClusterFuck Nation" blog).

Keep up the truth-telling!!!!!

November 14, 2007 2:36 PM  
Blogger Craig D said...

Welcome back to Blogistan, Dirk!

I hope there are no dangerous chemicals in the ink you'll be using to print out those digital photos. I suggest you put them in unpainted, wooden frames.

Just place a small square of floor tile on each of your son's gifts so you'll know which ones are formica. (Figured I'd trot out your hospital maternity ward joke...)

November 16, 2007 5:31 AM  

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