May 2, 2007

Hush little baby don't you cry...

He's such a good boy.

There is something uniquely satisfying about keeping watch over my family as they sleep. Felicia is finally getting some badly needed rest and Micah is sated for the moment and quiet in his crib. David Letterman is winding down, the dishes are drying in the rack and I have only one load of laundry remaining before the chores are done and the house is in order.

It is so good to have my family back home again even though it seems like a whole new world with all of these baby-fangled things like infant car seats, baby monitors, diaper bins and changing tables. It appears that having a child brings more baggage along with it than a multiple divorcee. We’ve got a million of something called a receiving blanket. I don’t know why they don’t call them swaddling cloths. Isn’t that what everyone does with them-swaddle up the baby and put him down for sleeping?

Swaddling is an art form. If you do it correctly the baby can’t be freed by anything short of a ninja or a direct nuclear hit. Do it wrong and he’s flailing around like a teenager at a Rave in five seconds with the receiving blanket wrapped around his tiny feet. If you want a baby to sleep you learn to swaddle as quickly as humanly possible. Once Micah is swaddled you can bounce a quarter off his little blanket. Daddy Dirk don’t mess around; turn on the wave machine and he’s sleeping like a log for a good hour and a half.

How do women manage to breastfeed for at least a year? Right now Micah is feeding every two hours and the toll it is taking on Felicia is undeniable. Rewards? Mothers-to-be let me warn you right now; you are nothing but milk sacs to your baby. They eat, fart, poop and pee and the only conscious thought they have is, “Feed Me!” The only pet name they have for you is, Food. They are little milk junkies and God help you if you keep them waiting even a millisecond. Half of the time they don’t even open their little eyes to look at you. It is all about the nipple to a baby-the rest of you is invisible to an infant.

Here is a tip for dads; never pick up a baby if you are not wearing a robe or a shirt. They strike like little cobras and if you are not careful you wind up looking like you were attacked by a giant squid. Their little jaw muscles are strong. Trust me on this and do not experiment. You will regret it.

One more piece of advice for the dads before it is my turn to get a little sleep. You need to learn the one word survival tool for fathers handed down from generation to generation of men.


Goodnight gentle souls...


Blogger Bardouble29 said...

I am so happy to hear that your family is home and doing well.

I also am happy you are helping out so your beautiful wife can rest inbetween being needed by Micah.

Little Micah is beautiful.

I became a grandma, the same day you became a dad. I will have to do a post on my new little one.

May 02, 2007 10:17 AM  
Blogger Danielle said...

He is just so cute. It took me some time to get the swaddling down but now can do it in milliseconds. Wrap em up tight. It gets easier, breastfeeding, Felecia, promise.

May 02, 2007 11:16 AM  
Blogger SQT said...

Breastfeeding is so hard, especially for the first 3 months or so. I was not a copious milk producer so I had to supplement. Though I do know if Felicia can keep on going for a few months, it should get easier.

But no matter what, she shouldn't feel guilty, no matter what the lactation Nazi's...er...consultants say.

May 02, 2007 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nursing is WAY esier than bottlefeeding,I mean it was for me once I got used to it. If she can get used to feeding him while laying down she can get a nap in too.

He is so cute, congratulations again to you both!

May 02, 2007 12:03 PM  
Blogger Em said...

Ah, glad everyone is home! I was laughing at the teenager at a rave analogy. That whole swaddling thing really is an art form. Sadly, now that my kids are older, I can't find any reasonable use for a skill that I had perfected.

May 02, 2007 3:06 PM  
Blogger Wizened Wizard said...

I'm with Crazy: breast-feeding is so much easier than the bottle routine, and... you will never leave your breast back at the ranch...

A tip: No matter when Micah last ate, wake him up just before Felicia wants to go to sleep for the night and feed him again. I know that sounds nuts, but you will find that even if he nursed an hour earlier, he will eat some more and then be VERY full, and she may actually get 3 or (just imagine!) 4 hours of sleep before he wakes again.

So glad you're all home together now. Why is it that the boys usually get all the hair?

Looks like you two made a keeper. : )

May 02, 2007 7:21 PM  
Blogger Kati said...

Yeah!!! Glad you're all safe & sound & home!!! Best of luck new Mama & Daddy!!!

May 02, 2007 8:57 PM  
Blogger Pepper said...

I am so happy to hear the family is home. He is a beautiful baby. About him foraging in the woods... When I had my first child I had him sitting up in a high chair at 3 months eating mash potatoes and gravy. Yep I would have been turned in for neglect. I still don't understand how to raise a newborn in todays standards so it will be fun to read all about it. My daughter in law is now 3 weeks overdue. I think they are trying to set a record.

May 02, 2007 11:21 PM  
Blogger Citymouse said...

wasnt there a thing about dads breast feeding...ya see what yours look like in a few years then!!!

May 03, 2007 8:50 AM  
Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

Such a beautiful precious child..... enjoy your family :)


May 03, 2007 12:27 PM  
Blogger Caveman said...

Congratulations on yer lil' dude.

May 03, 2007 12:56 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

The breastfeeding thing wears thin.
Just think about being attached to your child for 12 months. Never more than 2 hours (less) apart.
It takes its toll fast.

Hide the sharp objects
Mamma don't play fair anymore


May 03, 2007 1:01 PM  
Blogger Lizard Princess said...

If you have a TV (which somehow, I have a feeling you may not) you can throw it out now- not just becasue of all the hype about it being bad for kids, but MOSTLY because our children are SOOOOOO much more fun to watch- aren't they?
I never knew what it meant to "fall in love" until I met my son (strange as it may sound- I was a single mom for 2 1/2 years).
When I say fall in love, I mean, to love someone so much that they consume you and all you want to do is stare at them.

May 03, 2007 1:44 PM  
Blogger yinyang said...

Hey, the breastfeeding, diaper-changing routine becomes a great addition to the guilt-trip material. The best, of course, is this - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!"

These are better jokingly than seriously, though. After all, post-birth abortion is a crime (but I don't blame you if you feel tempted sometime, as it is the child's job to drive you insane). :)

May 03, 2007 2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually I kinda agree with thomas there..hehehe it CAN get kinda aggravating when you are only a cow. I did supplament with a bottle when they got older, say 4 or 5 months. I got some free time here and there. No harm I figured, and it worked out great.

May 03, 2007 2:33 PM  
Blogger Arcturus said...

Micah is so adorable in those pictures. I've been reading your entries about the issues involved in taking care of newborn infants -- I just couldn't do it. It takes tremendous effort. He's your first? I suppose if a couple has, like, 10 kids, it gets 'easier' with time. I have no siblings at all. But my grandmother was one of 16 children. I can't fathom what that must've been like for my great grandparents. As it is, this isn't something I'll ever be dealing with.

In any event, it sounds like you though it can be a real challenge but that you are more than able to handle it all precisely because it is -- if I can use a curious old phrase -- a labor of love.

May 04, 2007 7:03 PM  
Blogger zen wizard said...

"Synchronized Swaddling" should clearly be an Olympic event.

May 04, 2007 7:32 PM  
Blogger notfearingchange said...

ah....so cute!

May 04, 2007 7:40 PM  
Blogger Imran said...


Whatever you have been saying, it is undeniable that you are so proud and so indescribably happy of your Micah, Felicia and yourself that you are a family now. It has all been worth it.

Have a great weekend.

May 05, 2007 4:04 AM  
Anonymous Ordinary Janet said...

Glad everyone is home and doing well! and I hope Mom gets some sleep.

May 05, 2007 8:54 AM  
Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

He is sooooo cute.

I have this great pic of my oldest at a few weeks old suckling on daddy's nose..daddy have left it too close to a hungry little mouth.

May 07, 2007 12:09 PM  
Blogger melanie said...

I did this alone. single mother, father said, no way in hell, i never want to even see that kid. now imagine all that honey business never happening?

I am glad that you have a wonderful family that you can be proud of and appreciate. I wish you all the best. Kids are the greatest!

May 07, 2007 1:23 PM  
Blogger melanie said...

oh, and the only reason I stopped breast feeding was because I had to go back to work.

May 07, 2007 1:24 PM  
Blogger TutleyMutley said...

I turn my back for 5 minutes and you've had your baby!!! AWWW he's grogeous.
Congratulations both and happy babymoon.
The comments on swaddling made me laugh. It's not recommended at all any more in this country - idiosyncracies, right?
I PROMISE breastfeeding gets easier.
Now Felicia needs to learn the art of breastfeeding whilst fast asleep methinks. Just so long as Micah is well, you don't have a waterbed and don't smoke and Felicia is sober and straight.
Do you want to send me your snailmail and I'll send you the little summat I've been knitting for Micah. If I send it surface mail it might just fit him in a year's time. XXX
email telbateattiscalidotcodotuk

May 10, 2007 5:20 PM  

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