Setting the record straight.

I have been to the mountain
and I have bombed it.

I have just been contacted by a representative of President Bush’s press office concerning yesterday’s post. I have been informed in no uncertain terms that I have misquoted the man and need to correct the offending comments.

I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize for any misunderstanding my post may have created in the minds of the American people. My intentions have never been to mislead my readers in any way or to pervert their opinions of this president with any personal bias of my own.

I hope this will not affect anyone’s belief in my journalistic integrity. After all, mistakes can happen to anyone, just ask George.

Errors and edits.

1. I apparently misheard the president say “Twenty thousand troops” when in reality he was saying “Twenty thousand fruits” are being sent to Iraq.

As it was explained to me, this somehow relates to solving an American problem involving the sanctity of marriage and family values.

I’d say more about this, but frankly I had a very difficult time following the chain of logic and I’m still confused.

(About the issue, people!)

2. I apparently misheard the president say, “Patriot missiles” when he was actually saying, “Catholic missiles”.

These appear to be some sort of religious tract which the president now considers to be an effective weapon in fighting Islamic ideologies since finding one in a restroom in the white house.

Apparently this missile had a profound impact upon the president’s personal relationship with the savor and he is hoping it will prove just as effective in dealing with the Iraqis.

3. As I was informed by the individual who telephoned me, I am simply one more in a long line of Liberal Jihad extremists that must be dealt with in what the president refers to as, “The War on Error!”

Again, thank you for your patience and understanding. I truly hope the rent in the fabric of my journalistic integrity has been repaired and we can continue on as friends.

Election Day Predictions...

At eight-forty-five Tuesday morning a devastating terrorist action will occur in a major American city. President Bush will appear on television at ten fifty-five and inform the nation that elections have been temporarily suspended for two days.

Thursday evening, George W. Bush will address the country and in a speech filled with terror-inducing-half-truths will postpone elections indefinitely.

One week later, President Bush will declare a state of emergency and suspend the congress of the United States of America.

One year later, our nation’s capitol will have been relocated to a ranch in Crawford, Texas. Democracy will be over as we know it...

Feasting on lamb...

Tonight I watched Keith Oberman call out George W. Bush for the punk he is. I applauded as he laid out, in no uncertain terms, the wrongs this president and his pack of unscrupulous jackals have committed upon the American people. Mr. Oberman also correctly identified the evils perpetrated upon us by the sycophants surrounding Mr. Bush in the name of preserving personal positions of power. It was media at its finest.

As much as I applauded Mr. Oberman’s rebuke of our leaders I felt that he left one important group of people unscathed. They are as guilty of the crimes committed upon our nation as those of the President and his band of thieves. I speak of the power base responsible for electing George W. Bush to office in the first place; the Christian conservatives and the false prophets who currently man the pulpits of their churches.

The Holy Bible which the Christian conservatives claim to place complete faith and belief in teaches us that the leaders of a country reflect the spiritual condition of the nation and of the church contained in its borders. What do the characteristics of our current president reflect of the congregations of our country? What is the state of health of the body of Christ in our churches today?

Our president is intolerant of others who think and believe differently than himself. He is also willing to bear false witness if it serves to achieve his personal aspirations. Mr. Bush never apologizes and is unrepentant even when proven in error beyond a shadow of a doubt. Our leader is a man who seeks to profit instead of to serve. He keeps a firm grip upon the reins of power through manipulation of our fears. George W. Bush plays to the base nature in us instead of the best in us.

When I see the conservative pastors swarming in adoration around this president like flies feeding upon carrion meat I am sickened by the foul odor that emanates from them. They sit and eat from plates of gold while our sons and daughters are served up to Moloch upon the plate of Iraq. All in the name of personal profit... The leader is the mind that reflects the health of the body and right now the body of the church is sick.

George W. Bush was elected to office with the help of false preachers who willingly collaborated by leading their flocks astray. Their desire to sit in high places with earthly kings rather than serve the people in humble ways is the highest form of the sin of pride. Where were they seeking their riches? Whose throne did they desire to sit before?

In the name of God, I rebuke you! You have sinned and through your arrogance and desire for personal power you have divided the flock of God and set it against itself. You have poisoned the lambs of God with the milk of intolerance and hatred. Now, you stand idle and watch as they tear at each other with violent words and deeds. You smile with smug satisfaction as though you have achieved something wonderful in the eyes of god.

Wake up America! There are false prophets in our midst. They are bringing sickness to our churches and evil upon our nation. These wicked men must be stopped. How do you recognize them? They are the preachers who stand at the pulpit speaking politics instead of the words of God. They speak evil of your fellow man instead of exhorting you to love him. Rebuke these pariahs and cleanse yourselves of their poison. Embrace your neighbor, Democrat or Republican, for more important than political affiliation is our family unity in Christ’s love. Amen...