There must be fifty ways to lose your lover...
Dirk's top ten list of things never to say to your pregnant spouse.
10. Uh, every outfit you wear makes you look fat right now.
9. I've still got my old combat boots in the basement, do you want to see if they'll fit?
8. Is this going to happen every time you sneeze or did your water just break?
7. Who are you calling lard ass?
6. Honey, of course I still love you. Just not in a physical way right now.
5. Oh my god, I think your navel has grown a penis!
4. So, just how many hours after the baby is delivered does the belly swelling go down?
3. Great, this is the last time I ever let our Net-Flix membership expire.
2. Are you sure I'm the baby's father? These ultrasound pictures don't look anything like me at all.
1. Responsibilities as a father, what responsibilities as a father?