January 4, 2007

Oh my little soldier boy, I'll be true to you...

"A real man answers the call of duty."

Because of my blog a few important things in my life have gone neglected lately. Oh I tried to ignore the reality of the situation and pretend that I had the addiction under control, but I was a fool. There are friends and people that depend on me and I’ve been letting them down. By the time I came to my senses it was almost too late...

By the time I rejoined my squad the Helgons had us pinned down with heavy machine gun fire from a snipers nest up on the ridge above the river. Several of my squad had taken hits and were in no condition to continue the fight. As the hail of bullets fell around us like a storm of death I panicked for a moment.

Like a coward I hunkered up into the cleft of a rock and prayed that the virtual death would not come to me. Then I heard one of my men cry out into the maelstrom...

“Dirk_Star, you’re a white man, you’ve got to help us!”

My cheeks burned with crimson shame at the way I was playing the game. I knew I was letting the team down and that brought me out of my temporary paralysis. That’s when I asked myself the one question that always brings the game into focus; what would James Bond do? The panic in my mind began to still and everything started to fall into place.

My nerves stopped jangling and even though I'd been away from the game for far too long the old reflexes quickly returned.

God I do love the thrill of combat.

Keeping my profile low to the ground I sneaked a quick glance in the direction of the Helgon position and rapidly assessed the situation. This was going to be rough. If I was going to make up the hill and into the next level sacrifices were going to be required. Some of my squad wouldn’t be coming home tonight. I took a deep breath and began issuing orders.

“Rico, you’re the only minority member I’ve got left, you take point!”

“Carla, I’m probably going to need those spandex covered breasts, you stay close to me!”

“Alright everyone, on the count of three let’s do it!”

Well, I wish I had more time to let you know what is happening, but I’ve left the men alone long enough as it is. They need me and I’m mighty proud to be their Sergeant.

As God is my witness, I’ll never let this damn blog come between us again...

I hope everyone enjoys this Bob Award winning post!

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Blogger JR's Thumbprints said...

Well there Dirk_Star, you shouldn't tie up your computer writing blog material when there's software games to be installed and played. The Helgons do need you.

January 04, 2007 5:41 AM  
Blogger Bob Awards said...

Hello Eddie, I mean Dirk_Star

You have won a BOB – Award!
Thank you for being Sparkly and exciting enough!
This blog has just won because of this very splendid piece of fiction you have written right here and wonderfully twisted logic.
You make other bloggers proud and the internet beam. We really like what you write and have written, splendid!

Please do go fetch your award here!

With very much love, Bob-Awards.

January 04, 2007 6:59 AM  
Blogger The Wizened Wizard said...

Okay, Dirkster... This one I don't "get"... The enchanted forest is so far removed from the culture of you city folks...

Somebody please 'splain me what in hell this post is about.

January 04, 2007 7:29 AM  
Blogger English Muffin said...

Dirk!! Thank you for the message!!! And well done to you as well!!!!
And yes!! We are the first recipients
of the Award!! lol

We are the bench mark for ALL bloggers!!! lol lol

January 04, 2007 9:09 AM  
Blogger The Wizened Wizard said...

Ah... I see... By the way, I've put a picture of you and the missus having a serious conversation...

January 04, 2007 9:11 AM  
Blogger Citymouse said...

oh dirk...

January 04, 2007 9:24 AM  
Blogger DNR said...

Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?

Why don't presidents fight the war?
Why do they always send the poor?

Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?
Why do they always send the poor?

Kneeling roses disappearing into
Moses' dry mouth
Breaking into Fort Knox stealing
Our intentions

Hangers sitting dripped in oil
Crying freedom
Handed to obsoletion,
Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth

System Of A Down - B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bodybag)

January 04, 2007 9:36 AM  
Blogger Pythia3 said...

OK Dirk_Star, thanks for keeping my secret!
I'll be back soon to get my daily dose of Zappa,s face (I met him years ago)
I am a hippie at heart . . . so while my Nag Champa burns I'll be zoning out in your peace signs, written thoughts and grooviness.

January 04, 2007 9:50 AM  
Blogger Zen Wizard said...

I hope someday that there is a Neil Award, so you will be a "Neil & Bob Award" Winner!

January 04, 2007 10:19 AM  
Blogger jali said...

Yeah! a...um..ah....BOB Award. Great!

Happy ...er...ah..New Year dude!

January 04, 2007 10:43 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Yet ANOTHER award for this silly, dull .... er ... uh ... I mean .. brilliant, thoughtfull and well-deserving blog!

My jealousy knows no bounds. I can't believe you've paid off another blog awards site .. I mean .. I am so proud of you and you are so deserving of these accolades.

January 04, 2007 10:55 AM  
Blogger Crashdummie said...

Bond would have kept Carla oh-so-close...


January 04, 2007 11:06 AM  
Blogger russkal said...


We gotta play network sometime... so we shall all see who deserves an award on the real battlefield. Hah!

That said, awesome piece.


January 04, 2007 12:40 PM  
Blogger skeet said...

Wiz, I think we're supposed to know what a Helgon is before we read it. THEN we'd understand, but right now I'm as flummoxed as you are, lol.

Consgrats on the award, my friend. You just keep racking 'em up, don't you!

January 04, 2007 12:50 PM  
Blogger Craig D said...

Enjoy it while you can! Once Dirk Jr. gets here the TV will be playing Baby Einstein, Barney, Thomas, etc. every waking hour!

Did I mention I have Mad Core Disease?

January 04, 2007 4:45 PM  
Blogger Chucky said...

so were you singing "eye of the tiger"?

Or just go in Rambo style?

January 04, 2007 9:51 PM  
Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

The post I don't get but I'm happy you got the award. Cangratulations!

January 04, 2007 10:39 PM  
Blogger C-dell said...

Games are very addictive. I am a X-box man. I play Halo like there is no tommorrow. Can't wait to get a new 360

January 05, 2007 3:03 PM  
Blogger Dirk_Star said...

Thank goodness I have a number of younger readers who are video game players.

This post is about a video game called, Killzone".

My point was about an addiction to blogging interfering with an addiction to video gaming.

I admit that it was subtle...

The post is about the varied offerings of electronic diversion and how addictive they all are to us the consumer.

January 05, 2007 3:11 PM  
Blogger Rose DesRochers said...

What an award winning post.

January 05, 2007 7:51 PM  

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