April 3, 2008

I say, "lawyers, guns and money..."

So good looking he might just be mine...

In the great chain of events that lead from infancy to the eventual ascension into manhood yet one more rite of passage occurred yesterday afternoon; the first haircut. Micah was starting to look just a bit shaggy around the ears and mama was threatening to take matters into her own hands if I didn’t do something and do it quickly. Now, I was all for leaving his hair alone until he could decide for himself what hair style best represented the inner being dwelling in his earthly vessel, but when Disney started calling and asking if he’d be interested in the starring role of the new Shaggy the Canine D.A. movie I figured it was either time for a trim or teaching him how to bark on cue. (The trim turned out to be cheaper than the chair and whip for training would be so it was off to the stylist.)

If I’d have known what a chick magnet babies are I’d have adopted one many years ago. It turns out that women go absolutely crazy when a man walks into an establishment holding a baby. (Jay, if you’re reading this post let me tell you that even the lesbians were coming up and talking to me and one such couple even invited Micah and I over for dinner and a movie of some sort!) Who knew? Does anyone think it was wrong to stop by the neighborhood bar on the way home and use Micah as bait while I fished for a girlfriend to have on the side?

Seriously folks, indoor seating next year?

Speaking of cold, the P.T. Cruiser Club had its first event of the year. It was a Cruise In at Ritter’s Famous Frozen Custard in Kettering, Ohio. With twenty-five mile an hour winds and temperatures in the twenty degree range the yogurt wasn’t the only two scoop item frozen solid, if you know what I mean. Everyone stood around for fifteen minutes or so and then headed out to warmer confines. I think they call it the April Fools Cruise In because only fools were hanging out with their frozen yogurt clusters blowing in the wind. (If you know what I mean?)

And speaking of two scoops of cold...

It seems as if my sister, Robin had a secret will drawn up naming her not only the executor of it, but also the sole beneficiary of my father’s assets. No one including my father’s life partner knew of its existence. No wonder she’s not picking the will up and setting a date for it to be read. No wonder she’s been carrying stuff out of his home faster than a crack-head stealing his mama’s television set. I wonder if she’s cleaning out his bank accounts as quick. I guess she figured that what we didn’t know we couldn’t contest. It’s a shame she overlooked the copy still on the estate grounds and I had the opportunity to look it over. Gosh, it must be nice being married to a lawyer, who just happens to handle estate planning and wills. Does anyone else think I should talk to the Bar Association and inquire about the ethics of such activities? No wonder Robin has worked so hard to create such animosity among her fellow siblings. As long as none of us were communicating she could maintain her veil of secrecy. Bad news for her though, we’re all talking now...

Someone once said to me, “Dirk, if it looks like a lawyer and smells like a lawyer the chances are pretty darn good you’re standing in the midst of a cow pasture.” I think I’m beginning to understand just what they were trying to say.


Blogger Jahooni said...

Cutie Patooties! Both of ya...
this reminds me, i have to take Kate tonight to get her hair cut!

April 03, 2008 5:26 PM  
Blogger DirkStar said...

jahooni - You are too kind...

I'm just hoping he gets his mother's looks, brains and heart. I'll be happy if he inherits my curiosity and sense of humor.

April 03, 2008 6:13 PM  
Blogger As American as Apple Pie said...

That boy is way cute! You too Dirkstar.

April 03, 2008 6:20 PM  
Blogger As American as Apple Pie said...

Well, now I know why I like you. I am an ENTJ too. Scary.

April 03, 2008 6:22 PM  
Blogger Pepper said...

Oh boy this is not looking good. Are you saying there is a second will? Or is this the only one? Can everyone get together and fight this "wonderful person" who seems to be focused only on herself.

I am telling you... get your affairs in order.

His first haircut. Awwww My grandson, Hayden is 2 1/2 and his mother will not cut his hair. Everyone thinks he is a cute little girl with curls.

Tell you what partner, saddle up the ole cruiser, grab the little woman and cowpoke and amble down to Tombstone. The weather is delightful and the scenery is spectacular.

April 03, 2008 7:01 PM  
Blogger DirkStar said...

pepper - Why would we drive somewhere for a Tombstone? We can get a pizza delivered here any time we want one.

April 03, 2008 7:05 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Dude, your boy is toooo cute for words. And shame on you for not knowing about infant magnetism! There is nothing more macho than a man and his baby, out and about on their own. LOL Hubs goes to Home Depot with my Daughter and it's crazy! :)

April 04, 2008 7:24 AM  
Blogger DirkStar said...

Donna - I'm starting to wonder what would happen if I walked around carrying Micah and a small puppy.

I'd be a chick magnet for sure!

April 04, 2008 7:58 AM  
Blogger Lizard Princess said...

I'll start with the last stuff first:
I understand your frustration with the will and the asses (oops, I mean "assets"), however, perhaps you could look at it as a blessing in disguise. Think of the headache she'll have in taking care of all that stuff and finding ways to spend the money (on stuff she doesn't need and will be collecting dust in the near future). Kill your television, right? Own your stuff, don't let it own you! OK- enough of the pep talk.

Women will always love babies. We are biologically cranked up to love babies. The continuance of the human race depends upon it (until we figure out for a man to push a baby out of his, well, you get the point).

Micah is truly an adorable little boy. His eyes looks a tiny bit mischievous, so I'd keep an eye on him if I were you! Especially since he's already such a lady killer!

April 04, 2008 10:12 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

LOL -- I dare ya! :)

Just be sure Felicia is not far behind to beat the chicks off.

April 04, 2008 10:20 AM  
Blogger Doc said...

Congrats Dirk... I am looking forward to taking my young un for his first cut in June!

BTW - i thought about you last night because Bill Clinton is speaking here this afternoon and they called and invited me personally (well by recording anyway)... Too bad this superdelegate is casting his vote for Obama ;-)

April 04, 2008 12:51 PM  
Blogger Aileen said...

I know what you would love to see is a big happy family reunion. I'ld love to have firm breasts again but it's not going to happen. What you need to do is take the toxic elements out of your life. What you are going through is a morning process. It takes time and harder to do without a physical corpse. Take the relationships you have that are good and work to make them healthy. What you can't fix LET GO. Your beautiful wife and son need a dad who is 100% emotionally healthy. All this pain you are going through you DO have some control over.
As for the will , it might not be fair but is it worth the grief? Money and material things , although some may be sentimental , are nothing compared to the blessing you DO have in your life now. trust me , I went through this when my 1st husband died. yes , i was pissed but I had to let it go. What they couldn't steal from me were precious memories. And, of course , there is that beautiful thing called karma that is so sweet. Stay away from all things venomous. Venting helps release some of the pressures but it's not the cure. you will just have to live your life as though these people never existed and move on. Make a clean break. Yes , it sucks and it's not easy but it'll come.

April 04, 2008 2:35 PM  
Blogger DirkStar said...

aileen - What I'm looking for is a little closure. I've been the toilet for a couple of my family members long enough and a little in "yer face, go away and don't come messing with me again and don't throw stones when you live in a glass house" is what I'll be satisfied with.

You are correct, the toxic crap can kiss my hairy butt and leave. I've got good friends and a good family, what else do I really need?

April 04, 2008 2:50 PM  
Blogger Kati said...

In total agreement with the "Dang is Micah cute!" crowd. As for the legal & familial crap.... Dude.... I do not envy you at all. I'm sorry your sister doesn't see what a big ol' mess she's creating (among other things, Karmically for herself). I hope you can help get matters straightened out to the benefit of everybody. (Including the benefit of your conniving sis. getting shown by some judge or something that she's got to abide by the law just like the rest of us, if'n it were to come to that.) Best of luck, Dirk!

April 04, 2008 5:34 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

"Ritter’s Famous Frozen Custard in Kettering, Ohio."

Hey! I've been there a couple of times!

Babies are definitely chick magnets. Even more so than puppies! haha

April 04, 2008 11:19 PM  
Blogger Merelyme said...

oooh my goodness! well look at the two of you looking cuter than kittens. babe magnet alert!

thanks so much for thinking of me and stopping by my blog. just trying to get my sea legs here to go out and about to visit you guys. i have missed you!

April 05, 2008 8:07 AM  
Blogger Citymouse said...

Your son is sooo cute.. yes he looks a bit like dad!

As far as family, it is safe to say people are who they are --- I do not believe what dr drill head says, you cant change them, they have to change on thier own and we are just going to have to take them with their faults and all or leave um...

Reality blows... let's talk about how we are going to raise our kids not to sucked into other crap!

April 05, 2008 9:42 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

I had a bad feeling that Memphis was better than UCLA, but Kansas/UNC first half?

I'm speechless.

April 05, 2008 8:56 PM  

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