November 3, 2006

Maybe You Should Flush That Thing...

I began this morning like so many others before it; I consumed a healthy bowl of vitamin enriched cable news flakes (with marshmallow headlines) and shortly thereafter found myself perched upon the virtual toilet seat waiting for the inevitable movement I knew would soon follow.

As I sat there reading my morning copy of the Propaganda Times I felt a familiar clamping sensation. Suddenly my head started to reel and I felt a whippet-like-roaring rush through my consciousness and I thought for sure I was about to pass out. Dude, it was like tripping...

After a moment or two my head began to clear and I knew something big had happened. Sure enough, when I stood up and looked down, what do you think I saw floating around in my virtual toilet bowl? That's right, a big ole giant blog of a thing.

It was huge-normous! It had kernels of idea in it and gooey clusters of dialogue. There were even some pieces; I couldn't tell if they were Peanuts or bits of old Doonesbury I hadn't quite been able to digest. After careful examination of the stinky blog I reached out for the handle to delete the thing. But then I got to thinking, everyone else seems to be leaving their blogs floating around for everyone to look at, why shouldn't I? (Heck, I've even seen some of them being talked about on the cable news shows.) So that's just what I decided to do.

Well now, as the day has passed all kinds of people have dropped by and wouldn't you know it, they have all had something to say about that giant blog. One person said, "Man, something must have died inside of you to make a blog like that come out." An elderly lady suggested that if I were to add some moral fiber to my diet I wouldn't have that problem any more. One young person said I'd probably have to break it up some with a coat hanger before attempting to delete it or it would probably clog up the pipes on my screen saver. It never occurred to me before today just how interested in other peoples mental crap folks really are.

Okay, by now you’re probably wondering where this piece is headed and let me assure you that there is indeed a moral to this story. You see, I've learned something today. Once I saw how interested some viewers seemed to be in the blog floating around my own internet toilet bowl, I went out and perused a few blogs stinking up the websites of other folk.

Now, adding one thing to another, to discover the sum total of all things, which I have not yet discovered, this one thing I have learned. I've discovered that blogs are a lot like a$$holes and even though everyone seems to have one, not all of them smell as bad as the Christian Conservative ones do. He-he...

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Blogger ang said...

verrrrry nice visual.
thanks for the comments - and congrats on parenthood. :)

November 03, 2006 8:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahaha!!! And also a little "eww", but just a little.

Great post!

November 03, 2006 2:04 PM  
Blogger Paul Tsikitas said...

Likewise, sir. Definitely will link you up!

November 03, 2006 3:10 PM  
Blogger Dan MacDonald said...

For an example of a particularily STINKING blog - come by and visit mine! It's all about how much the Bob Dylan show sucked!! :)
save your moola for patti smith and david bowie.

November 03, 2006 4:48 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Whether you like it or not it's good to see that someone else is reading it besides people I know. Hopefully it stinks less than some of the others that you run across. You might consider reading my old post about "WWJV" asking "What would Jesus Vote?"

November 03, 2006 9:48 PM  
Blogger Kati said...

Just wanted to say THANKS for the tips on adding my favorite blogs on my sidelines. Hopefully get it done this next coming week.

November 04, 2006 2:13 AM  
Blogger doctor chip said...

got shtein?

I need to get my glasses...
... I thought it said,
"Dork Store".

what a surprise, NOT a porno site.

welcome to the Blog-O-Sphere,




November 04, 2006 5:28 PM  
Blogger John said...

My blog seems more rodent pellet now that I have seen what you're capable of! Don't forget to wash your hands.

Thanks for wandering all the way to Oz to leave a comment.

November 04, 2006 6:42 PM  
Blogger Craig D said...

I followed you here from a comment you left at the writefink blog.

So far it looks like you have a decent flair for combining humor + rage for which I say things like "Bravo!" and "Ha! Ha!"

I'll try to check back to see what other blog jams you may have brewing in the throne room.


November 04, 2006 9:15 PM  
Blogger french maid character said...

right on big daddy.

November 04, 2006 9:51 PM  
Blogger Jessica Jones said...

Fuckin' A.

November 05, 2006 11:39 AM  
Blogger lil' ol karebear said...

afraid that you did not like my blog, i experience fear. dualism is crap.

November 05, 2006 11:58 AM  
Blogger Joana Corrêa said...


November 05, 2006 12:16 PM  
Blogger PandoraLairg said...

Thank u for visiting and leaving a comment on my blog, your writing is interesting, will visit again to see what u have to say, but I must add I compost not flush

November 05, 2006 2:45 PM  
Blogger dayereh said...

Just think the vote happens on Tuesday! Maybe you can import your visual into the polling station?

November 05, 2006 7:50 PM  
Blogger russkal said...

ahhh... eloquence, wit and sarcasm. a blogger's deadly weapon. likewise, keep up the good work!

November 06, 2006 12:07 AM  
Blogger Inness said...

You strange person. I am disgusted but remain intrigued by the clever way you craft your entries.

Zen masters, eh? They probably scorn my need for coffee..

November 07, 2006 2:40 AM  

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